quote:

Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

B. F. Skinner, the world-famous psychologist, proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. Later studies have shown that the same applies to humans. By criticizing, we do not make lasting changes and often incur resentment.

Hans Selye, another great psychologist, said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation."

The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.

How to Win Friends & Influence People, Dale Carnegie.

Hey, Sue-

My apologies for the monosyllabic thing. It was one of those inspirations, and it was actually pretty much in context. Sanitizing the language is really difficult sometimes. Sometimes the ones who bring it to your attention are the ones who use criticism the most.

Some times a few words are better than many.

Brevity is the soul of wit, they say.

I think it would be interesting to look at how individuals react to criticism, instead of looking at the person who criticizes.

In all honesty, does anyone here TRULY care about what members on this site say about them? Think about it, these are people who you wouldn't know if you ran into them in the street, so their criticism should be meaningless.

I assume we all have family and friends, these are the people in our lives, who's opinion of us, really matters.

The banter here, its really just sport...

lol.

quote:

I assume we all have family and friends, these are the people in our lives, who's opinion of us, really matters.

That's quite an assumption. Some people may spend all their time online because they have no family or friends, nor the interpersonal skills to gain friends, so we are all the "family" they have. Of course, that is not true of everyone here. I think it is best to assume that everyone can be hurt by criticism, even though not everybody is.

Wow, Sue, I just assumed that everyone here did this as a pastime, it seriously never occurred to me, that these sites could be somehow construed as a "family" .

Personally human contact is really important, so if this is the extent of someone's family than I feel very bad for that fact.

Wow, really, I guess I am rather naive to the ways of the message board.

I have to ask, how can this be someone's family? You don't even know if everyone (or anyone) is who they say they are. Maybe in "real" life, people's families are the same.

Sue, I agree completely. Which is why any place like this should be treated with the utmost care. I most certainly don't let just everyone who knocks on my door into my house.

meljomur,

Lately, there's not much of a community dynamic here, because of the relentless drumming from the varmints who have been given lots of free rein in this house.

Even thinking back to the "good old days," I think "family" is over the top, as a metaphor to describe the psychological space of a healthy message board community. There's some repetition on themes, and some awareness of personalities that exist behind the words. In a sense that repetition, and its familiarity, makes the habit of corresponding on a message board a comfort zone.

But, at some point, the repetition of caustic elements reduces the desire for the exchange.

Because I have moved around the country from job to job, as have old friends, I have lost touch with them one by one (their starting families of their own did not help, either). All my oldest friends are now online; it has been great to have the continuity. My parents, grandparents uncles and aunts died years ago; I have very little family left, and none of it close.

Obviously it is easier for people to fool you online, as you don't have the benefit of hearing the tone of the voice, seeing the facial expressions, watching the eye movement that Thom has told us about, or watching their body movement. On the other hand, it is harder for people to use charisma to sway you. Nevertheless it is possible to make friends, and the distance of online communication makes it easier for you to proceed cautiously.

And if you don't want to make friends, you can stick to discussing issues; no problem.

Community needs to be worked at. It is probably because there are so many people here who do not think about community, or the fact that they are "talking" to real people who have real feelings, that people resort to so much negativity. Frankly, if people are here to be disagreeable (as opposed to disagreeing), I don't see the point of coming - they are the ones who should get a life.

I understand now, and I guess for me too, this has become a bit of a community, especially since my husband travels so much.

But for what its worth, I do prefer face to face contact, I like to look at someone when I am having a conversation on serious topics.

It is an interesting concept to think that this type of communication could replace real life human contact, kind of scary too, I might add.

For people who cannot get out and about, online community can be a lot better than none. And with some online communities, people start holding meetings from time, or go visit friends. I spent a couple of weeks in America recently visiting online friends, and they have visited me. And one British one has taken to phoning me quite often.

Obviously, it helps of several of you live fairly near to each other. Meetings in the Portland area are quite practical, because of KPOJ introducing so many people to Thom, and, through the board and the chat, to each other.

People thought that with young people spending so much time online, they would no longer spend any time with their families, but it has been found that if they keep in touch with grandparents, etc., through email, they are more likely to visit them, not less.

Actually the good old days of online community actually predate the world wide web, when people used to dial directly into CompuServe's computers. Opening up everything to the Internet changed a lot. Now people can flit from site to site and board to board at the click of a mouse.

Well Sue, perhaps we will have the opportunity to meet one day too, when we move over to the UK

Could be.

Earlier this year a long time online friend from California and a long time online friend from Vermont got married. I visited them back in October. Another online friend emigrated from England to America to marry somebody he met online.

Online communities give people the chance to meet people they would otherwise never have met, which is particularly useful if you live in an isolated area, or have interests not shared by those about you - or if you are a single dot of red in a sea of blue, or vice versa.

I would have never known some of the people I know had it not been for the net. Interesting places for sure.
I've hunted exotic game with people from all over the globe met via online communities. Met people from this very site in fact and look forward to meeting more.
It opens doors that would have not been there.

quote:

I've hunted exotic game with people from all over the globe met via online communities.

To think that there are people not believing in progress!

quote:

Originally posted by Slabmaster:
I would have never known some of the people I know had it not been for the net. Interesting places for sure.
I've hunted exotic game with people from all over the globe met via online communities. Met people from this very site in fact and look forward to meeting more.
It opens doors that would have not been there.

So Slab, when you finally invite me out to Redmond, you can take me to...

but just be warned I turn into a pumpkin if I spend more than 5 minutes on the Eastside.

Cowboy is so so for food.

Want good steak?

Go to Jaks in Issaquah. It's right in Front Street. Killer beef and good wine selection.
Ruth's Cris is always good too.

I'd prefer to feed you BBQ'd elk backstrap. You'll be a believer.

Why do you keep on getting the girls?

quote:

Originally posted by Sawdust:
Why do you keep on getting the girls?

I'd show ya, but it'd get me banned for sure.

quote:

Originally posted by Slabmaster:

quote:

Originally posted by Sawdust:
Why do you keep on getting the girls?

I'd show ya, but it'd get me banned for sure.

Wait, it was a joke!
I'm a vegetarian, urbanite; steakhouses and suburban men just don't do it for me (either do American men by the way, but that might be another topic...)

Sure, joke. You were trolling for guys on the internet. We all saw you. You tried to pick up Slabby because you thought he was easy. He may not be easy but I'm sure for the right price he can be had.

quote:

Originally posted by Sawdust:
Sure, joke. You were trolling for guys on the internet. We all saw you. You tried to pick up Slabby because you thought he was easy. He may not be easy but I'm sure for the right price he can be had.

I was vulnurable.......

and yes, the right price will wipe away all confusion and tears.

Speaking of suburban men, my next door neighbor just bought a new suburban.
Sweet ride fo sho.

Get outa the concrete jungle Mel!
Go east young woman!!

quote:

Get outa the concrete jungle Mel!
Go east young woman!!

According to Melissa, she is going east. But back to another concrete jungle.

quote:

Originally posted by Slabmaster:
I would have never known some of the people I know had it not been for the net."

It opens doors that would have not been there.

Thanks, for that, Sir. Although Thom helps folks heal from civil set-backs, some here, feel bottom-line, that the 'open door' must necessarily SLAM closed on someone else; and THAT won't hurt THEM-but MAY be funny (sadly).

A critical 'consideration' may otherwise also be bounded, or have some outcome, I think...